Reality Setting In….

It’s 1:21 A.M. and I’m having trouble sleeping, as usual…….Duane’s working all night and this big bed is so lonely without him!  But he’ll be home early afternoon and I still have nothing planned for dinner…….hmmm…..pot roast, maybe?

I’m also thinking of my family up in Pennsylvania, as usual……..it’s really hard not to think about them……I just feel so horrid for what I did and said……..but, I know that my daughter just doesn’t believe this……and she sees nothing at all wrong with her daughters disrespecting me and all of them giving me the “cold shoulder.”  Why am I always wrong?

Jenni, I know that you’ve long been ashamed of me, and that you think I was the worst kind of Mother…….also, I know you wish that you had some intense, career-driven woman for a Mother, perhaps someone more like Judy, Andrea’s Mother?  I further assume that, while I was absent all those years, you allowed your children, MY grandchildren, to hear all the worst things about me…..in fact, you probably told them yourself!  Then, after filling their heads with venom, you though you could just shove me back into their lives?  No way….not gonna happen…….and I found this out, regretfully…….

Now, while you may CHOOSE to remember the BAD things about me, what about the GOOD stuff?  Like, how I overcame my alcoholism……which I doubt I ever could have done up there………and, how about everything I did to help you and John out, the things that were bought for you……….beds, the table and chairs that I noticed you still have, entertainment center, VCR’s, etc.  It wasn’t ALL bad!!  And I truly did love you and the kids……….

I never meant to hurt my Mariah, but I just couldn’t take her hate and disdain any longer……..also, the more I think about it, the more positive I am that Cindy was somehow involved and making the situation worse……….

I have to wonder why Rick married her so soon after Missy left him……..I mean, did he even date Cindy more than a few times?  He was on the rebound, I’m sure……because he was head-over-heels for Missy and her breaking up with him really tore him up.  I remember that he called me and told me and he was supposed to come down here and check it out……how I wish he had!  But, when I hadn’t heard from him for two weeks, I called you and was told that he’d married a girl and even you’d been surprised by it……I mean, how did they even plan the wedding so quick?

Well, I trusted that girl too many times and I will NEVER trust her again.  She is two-faced and a hypocrite………I don’t care if she never talks to me again!  And, if Rick decides to take her side, so be it……..I guess I’ll lose my “shining star”!

Now, back to you and your wish that you had a different Mother….this may be more possible than you think………….but, this is a topic for another time, when I have more information to share………..for now, you only have THIS Mother, even though you don’t want her or need her— you NEVER needed me!

I know how MY Mother felt…….she would so often whine about me not calling her or coming to see her……….I was busy with my own life…………..yes, I know how she felt and how lonely she must have been…………..

Ignore1

 

Lonely1

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